You're going where?

That's what my husband said when I expressed an interest in going to BlogHer. That was November.

I wanted to attend BlogHer in New York last year, but I could not fathom spending that much on myself. So when I found out this year's conference is in San Diego, a 2 hour drive for me, BlogHer was definitely doable. So by December, I had purchased my ticket to BlogHer '11. There was no turning back.

I was excited! I will finally be learning how to grow my blog from those who have paved the way. I will finally be meeting people I've been interacting with on Twitter. I was giddy.

Then came another question from my husband, the devil's advocate: "Do you even know what these people look like?"

And another: "You're going around by yourself?"

These questions brought out all of my high school insecurities. I wanted to crawl back into my protective shell. I was having second thoughts.

I managed to push those thoughts aside and forced myself to socialize. I joined several forums (the ladies at MomSparkMedia forums have been a lifesaver!), and started following anyone who tweeted with the #BlogHer11 hashtag. As I read through hundreds of tweets and posts, I realized I wasn't alone. I will not be the only first-timer at the conference.

I was relieved...until I saw tweets about "exclusive" party invites. It felt like high school all over again. I was a nerd, a bookworm, a wallflower. I didn't go to dances or parties. Once again, I was on the outside looking in. I followed bloggers who were excited about being invited to parties sponsored by brands that I love and have used for years. I read about those who were being sponsored to go to BlogHer. I saw several hashtags which turned out to be other blogging conferences they were flying to or have just attended.

I. WAS. JEALOUS. And then fear crept in. I was so intimidated, I actually disconnected myself from social media. It took me a few days to shake it off. Then my 4 year daughter said, "Mommy, you're going to have so much fun. You're going to be with your friends."

Out of the mouths of babes. She was right.

So, in two weeks, I will be in San Diego attending BlogHer for the first (and hopefully, not the last) time. And I have resolved to do the following:

1. I will attend the sessions I feel will help me improve my blog.

2. I will leave my wallflower self at home, and borrow my daughter's social butterfly personality for a few days. I can't do anything about the nerd in me. Once a nerd, always a nerd. And proud of it!

3. I will hand out my business cards to fellow bloggers and brand reps and put myself out there.

4. Although my blog is a work in progress, I will be proud of it.

5. I will attend the official BlogHer parties. By the way, I did receive a couple of those coveted "private invitations." And I have met a fellow party-hopper, so I won't be alone.

6. And last, but not least, I WILL HAVE FUN!

So if you see someone looking lost and overwhelmed, with a badge that says @SprMama, please come up to me and say hi. I'll say hi back!

See you in San Diego!